Almost
by The Deadpan Snarker
Summary: Unrequited love is not new.
1. Contemplation

This is my first fic. Please take care of me. Lol, I'm being too formal here.  
>Also, English is not my first language so if you ever spot things that aren't supposed to be that way, like grammatical and spelling errors,<br>please correct me and help me be a better writer.

Thank you.

[Obligatory] Disclaimer: K-On is not mine. If it were, Ritsu will be the mainest main character. And she will always break her headband and be a cool bifauxnen. :3

[Please] Enjoy.

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><p>What should I believe in? I haven't been this bothered since I've heard of the Anthropic Principle.<p>

So, I'm in love with a girl.

If you knew me, you'd be surprised that I came to a conclusion right away.  
>But I'd rather say <em>the<em> girl than _a_, with her being perfect and all. It's just that our sex makes our love difficult.  
>Though I should say that it's not "our" love yet. Me being in love with her is quite classified.<p>

I'm just gonna segue from this shit. I'm a rather philosophical person, despite being the official local idiot of Sakuragaoka.  
>Though I should say that "philosophical" doesn't really cover it. Philosophy is a far more complicated (and interesting) thing, blah.<br>I just infinitely ponder about shit. Right now, I've been thinking of my "problem". I don't know what's wrong with it.  
>One's sex isn't really required to be their gender, too, I think. Though I'm not really sure if I qualify as a kind of person that will make Sappho blush.<br>Maybe I'm the "it's okay if it's you" type? Wow, Mio would be surprised if she knew about this "thinking". In people's eyes, I don't require thinking.

"No, I won't."

Was I thinking out loud? !

"Ritsu, I know what's behind that idiotic masquerade. I'm your best friend, remember?"

I nearly fell off my chair. I wanted to cry. I'm so sorry I doubted you, oh high and mighty Goddess Mio-sama! But of course, like the hazy person that I am, I held my tears back. A pillar shouldn't crumble in front of something it supports.

"Of course, I do." But you surely don't know that I like you that way.

I pin my eyes on her figure as she adjusts her bass to her body. How would it feel if I were to hold her as guys do to girls in movies?  
>I blushed at the thought and shrugged it off. I shouldn't think about this kind of stuff. Who knows what other things my mind can wander off to?<br>Guh, I feel like a pervert.

"You're still an idiot, though."

"No, I'm not! You said so, yourself!"

"Yes, but you're stupid in your own way. Just come here and practice with me."

"As you wish, master," I snark back.

Surprisingly, she only rolled her eyes.

Damn, she doesn't know how gorgeous she is when she does that. She's always gorgeous anyways.

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><p>I re-watch our play. I see our almost kiss, and I just feel that cliche people often speak of.. "That warm and fuzzy feeling"<p>

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><p>As she said, we're best friends. I'm technically an abused proletarian citizen of a capitalist country called Friendzone.<p>

(I sound like a Marxist.)

She's the one who always helps me out though. She's the nice one, the one who gives and expects nothing in return; if I don't call those cranial eruptions that she give me as the price for her help. Ha-ha. Ah, I only speak of unfunny whenever I think of her.  
>I'm losing my sense of humor, and a rather stupid one at that. Is this what they call "growing up"? I chuckle and "lol" mentally at the thought.<br>Me? Grow up? The hell with that! I like being childish. It makes Mio take care of me more. It's selfish, I know. But sometimes, despite promising to be her knight so many years ago, I'm still a girl who wants to be cared for, or taken care of, for that matter. Like how princesses tend to their knights after their battles. But wait, did princesses even do that? Where did I get that from?

Anyways, I acknowledge the fact that I really am in love with her, and that I really want her to be mine,  
>without necessarily owning her. I can't explain that feeling. Maybe because I know that love is an uncontrollable feeling, that even the thought of possessing someone is entirely impossible. A person is not an object, which can be one's property;<br>and I would not treat her that way if she were to be "mine". It's very conflicting, but what the hell.

I even wrote her a poem:

Mio.

The irrigation to my farm.  
>The calories to my fats.<br>The manna to my Jews.  
>The mochi to my New Year.<br>The yakisoba to my summer.  
>The motherboard to my CPU.<br>The scratch to my itch.  
>To my Star Wars, the Yoda.<br>The bass to my drums.  
>You butter my muffin.<p>

Love,  
>Ritsu.<p>

It's not the sweetest poem one could write about the person they love. I know.  
>I don't even know what buttered muffins are... So I gave it another shot and made an itch-inducing poem for her. Since she likes this kind of stuff, I think it's worth it.<p>

Mio.  
>Water way.<br>I am carried by your gentle current...  
>Your water comforts my body and continually heals my soul.<br>Even if I fight the stream that is you,  
>I know, that what I truly want is to be carried all along.<br>My love overflows;  
>gushing from the depths of my heart.<br>Your whole existence envelopes my being and warms my spirit.  
>Even if this love goes unreciprocated,<br>you will remain in this idiot's flat chest.

Ritsu.

Is it cheesy enough? I don't know. But it sure is too much for me.  
>I even removed the "love" before my name at the end. I really don't see the point of placing that word at the end, since that poem is speaking of love anyways. I wish she'd like it if ever I happen to be drunkbrave enough to give it to her. Gosh dang it to heck!

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><p>I am looking at her butt as she plays her bass. I am loathing myself right now.<p>

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><p>Author's notes:<p>

I'm sorry if this is OOC in your POV, but I always imagined Ritsu to be a very deep person who masks her wisdom with idiotic behavior, but is still oblivious in many ways. Thus, I wrote a fan fic with Ritsu in that persona. Interpret the story as you please. :)


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the late update, if you were looking forward to the next chapter.

As this is just an easy-going story with Ritsu as the main focus, there isn't really much to look forward to. Lol. But I hope you like how this ends. It's pretty predictable, really. I obviously know nothing about pacing. Haha.

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><p>I. Am. Dead. Literally.<p>

Normally, I hate it when people use the word "literally" when they don't really mean it, but I just had to put that word for emphasis. Because, y'know, my life kinda flashed before my eyes when I realized what happened. So I didn't really die. It's just that…

I lost the poem I wrote for Mio.

Actually, there were two of them, and I lost the second one. Yes, the itch-inducing one. Oh god, I can't imagine the embarrassment that I'll have to deal with if someone sees that shitty writing! I could've done a better job if only I knew that I would lose it!

And what if Mio finds it? Will she make fun of me? Will I disgust her? Will she tell Mugi about it and then they'd talk about me all day?

Is this how people feel when they are anxious to get an answer after they confess?

I'm about to have an asthma attack from this. I tried to look calm, but deep inside, I'm panicking like hell. It's almost time for homeroom, and I haven't found the poem yet.

Gah. Maybe I should just relax and stop worrying about it. I'll look for it later.

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><p>It was in the second period when I noticed a certain piece of paper near Mio's foot. My heart skipped a beat. I knew at first sight that it was my poem. I have to go get it before she sees it!<p>

And so, with that little sentence, I tempted fate. Just as I had thought of her seeing the poem, Mio really saw it and picked it up.

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><p>"I want a prince!" a 5-year-old Mio cried.<p>

"But princess, even though I am just a lowly knight, I am always here for you. Surely, you don't need a prince, yes?" Chibi!Ritsu, acting as a knight, said.

"But Ricchan, princesses always end up with princes, so you can't play with me forever! I will be sad! I have to have a prince with me when you're gone! Uwaaaah!"

"I'm not going anywhere! Stop crying! If you cry… I… I-I'm gonna cry, too! Uwu.. uwaaaa!"

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><p>We only stopped crying when our moms arrived and lulled us both to sleep. This is what I was talking about when I said that my life flashed before my eyes, you see. I randomly remember little snippets of it.<p>

I watched Mio read my writing. I saw her freeze up, maybe at the sight of her name. Then, her ears began to turn bright red. She's shaking by now. If she's embarrassed, well, I'm more embarrassed! I wrote that after all! Damn, my face is freaking hot.

Then, she froze up again. Has she read my name? Slowly, she turned her head... And looked at me.

She looked at me with... Surprise? Bliss? Sadness? Thankfully, it didn't feel like disgust. I would've cried right then and there. She looked away immediately when she saw that I was staring at her, too. This shit of what seems to be a random romantic comedy plot line isn't really the best time, but I have to say that she's really cute.

Mio didn't look at me again all day. I was right. She talked it out with Mugi. Mio only talked with Mugi all day, with a permanent red tint on her face, while Yui was trying to eavesdrop. I didn't know where it came from, but she gave our hyperactive band mate some cake to distract her.

And wow, Mugi sure looks happy.

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><p>It was already time for our regular club activities, and Mio still hasn't talked to me all day. I understand, really. I know that it's awkward. We've been friends since forever, so by having these feelings, I just ruined it. Even if she does stay friends with me, I know that it'll never be the same again.<p>

Fuck this sitcom.

I just sat behind the drums, and played my heart out.

One by one, they started to play along.

"Ricchan? Are you sad?"

"Eh? Why, Yui?"

"Well, it seems like you and Mio-chan had a fight again."

Yui is an airhead, but she's suuuper intuitive at times. It's kinda scary.

"Hm. I guess you can call it that."

"Ah, Ricchan. I'm sure she'll forgive you. She loves you. Byeee." Yui chirped and merrily _skipped_ away.

What the eff, my life.

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><p>Soon enough, everyone left the club room. Like a typical high school drama, we were left alone. Act natural, Tainaka.<p>

"Lycopene."

Surprisingly, she was the one who said that. And then she burst out laughing. I was confused. But before I even knew it, I was laughing, too. Suddenly, it was as if nothing out of the ordinary ever happened. It felt like a conversation, only with laughter.

And then I remember what happened. I mustered my courage to bring it up.

"Mio… well… You know, about that poem… Well, I'm sorry. Not for having these feelings, but because you had to find out that way. I wish was brave enough to tell you myself. But please, don't be burdened with my feelings. I just want to be friends."

That last line was a lie.

"Um. I'm just a normal girl who wants a normal boy. I've always wanted a prince on a white horse, who'll sweep me off my feet and carry me away…"

I couldn't bear it. Tears started to stream down my face. I'm no prince. I'm no boy. I won't ever stand a chance on _anyone_ who's such.

"This isn't exactly how I pictured my first love. But I guess... I have to make an exception."

She was crying now, too. So she liked me all along?

She smiled, and hugged me. I hugged her back. I've never been this happy. She would've actually been swept away by some guy if this didn't happen.

I stared into her eyes, and rejoiced in the moment.

Because I lost her.

Almost.

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><p>Omake:<p>

Yui: you're making a scary face, Mugi-chan!

Mugi: Ah, well… I can sense the circumstances around the paper I "accidentally" found, and "accidentally" dropped. Teehee.

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><p>Random plot shit awayyyyyyyy!<p>

Thank you for reading my first fic. I will refrain from being lazy next time. *bow*


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